We're hiring a DevOps Engineer (DevSecOps) to work the night rota, starting immediately this last weekend in October, on a project of utmost scientific importance.
Our biological research project, at an undisclosed excavation site near Wookey Hole Caves, has identified a sizable mycelium of scientific interest.
Early analysis suggests this is an unknown lifeform, a mycelium originating from beyond the cavernous depths near Wookey Hole Caves. It appears resistant to all known anti-virus and security measures. It is already using advanced fungal programming techniques to infect our systems.
The entity, code-named 'spooktaculatis-cheddaris', appears to be autoscaling AWS instances at will, hungry for compute as it tries to pervade beyond its lair and communicate with others like it.
It appears to be adopting advanced techniques that cross the biological realm and is now achieving considerable volumes of container orchestration and deployment via Bash scripts, while it seemingly creates a fungal:computer interface to live forever in the Metaverse.
It must be stopped. This job is not for the faint of heart. Our AWS bill is truly nightmarish.
The job entails
- Vulnerability scanning
- Identifying security threats
- Applying security patches (Bash)
- Reducing AWS bills
- Working in an enclosed environment
Skills needed
- Self starter, works well alone, not afraid of the dark
- Bash, Wolfram Mathematica, Prolog
- Chef
- AWS: EFS, EBS
- etcd
- Overlay Filesystem
- Scientific Linux (or CentOS)
- Essential qualifications: AWS Certified Solutions Architect (Professional), Bachelors in Cyber Security, and a PhD in Systems Biology
Salary & Benefits
- Up to £40,000 (depending on experience)
- 365 days holiday
- Subsidised Wookey Hole season ticket and gift shop discount
- Life assurance (one times salary)
Notes
You'll work autonomously on-site within a secure, hermetically-sealed underground facility, where you'll be protected from all outside elements - no phone signal, 4g, nor physical access until hand over to the day shift - to ensure utmost safety. Please bring a packed supper and flask of hot tea.
As the Head of Computing at the Research Institute I took the initiative to ingest a small amount of this mycelium (scraped off an ancient Cheddar cheese) while examining it under the microscope, curious about its properties and effects. It is conceivable that a mild hallucinatory state has led me to entirely misinterpret the cause of our AWS bills and to rush out this job advert on a Friday. It's possible that we left an EC2 instance running. Please check that too, thanks.